Free Trials and Freemium Plans

I love free trials, return policies and freemium options.

I’m young, I have student loans, I don’t have much to spend, and I don’t like making purchases I might regret later. So heck yes, no matter how certain I am the purchase is right for me, I like to “try” first.

For example,  Techsmith products. I’m talking about the best screen capture software known to man, and tools that I can’t live without. Even when their 30 day trial starts nearing it’s close, I start to panic, get sweaty, confused and contemplative. Do I give my credit card now? Why do these pop-ups keep pressuring me by asking if I’m ready. Of coarse I’m ready…no I’m not…what if you disappoint me later…can we just talk about this first?!

Zappos - “What’s your free shipping?”

Zappos is an empire of online accessory sales built off the concept that no financial commitment equates to customer satisfaction. Free shipping, free return shipping…don’t you worry about making the wrong choice…just give it a try first

That strategy made Tony Hsieh the desired keynote at every entrepreneur conference in and outside the country. Good thing, because he deserves it. (If you haven’t read Delivering Happiness you absolutely should.)


Now, in theory, I know free trials and freemium plans are sales drivers. Once you get your shoes from Zappos, if they fit, you’re probably going to convince yourself that you’re totally going to wear them all the time. (Or at least once a year when you feel guilty for buying them) So they usually end up on the shoe rack next to the other shoes you “tried” out, kept, and now never wear.

But what have free trials and freemiums actually done to us socially….

We’re a society that can’t commit.

Products:

I expect a free trial on everything now. I buy a toaster. It’s a great toaster, but you know what, 20 days in I’ve decided I really want a toaster that shoots my toast into the air so I can catch it on a plate like PeeWee Herman. So I take it back and get the PeeWee toaster. Next thing I know I’ve got bread crumbs everywhere and an ant problem because, let’s face it, I wear trifocals and there is no way I’d actually catch the flying toast whilst it’s airborne, so I’m like, “that was a dumb decision, no BD, I’ll return it and get the first toaster, I liked that one.”

Love:

I’ve had this conversation many a time with H. People these days love to say, “we’re not dating.” Really? You aren’t? You go out to dinners and movies, you’re acting like those Dawsons Rivers kids sleeping in each others beds and what not, you hang out all the time and introduce each other to your friends. If that’s not dating, what is it that you are doing exactly? Filming a documentary? Eating food? Experimenting with the psychology of human emotions?

Why is it that my mom has to so intuitively inquire, “but I don’t understand, it sounds like he’s your boyfriend, if you’re not seeing other people, isn’t that what he is?”

No Mom, that’s ludicrous - let’s just call him my “exclusive unlabeled man-friend.” It’s easier. Trust me.

For those that do manage to make the put-a-label on it leap to boyfriend and girlfriend. Well done. But eventually you’ll have another step to make. Wedding bells!

No slow down. You’re not ready for marriage. Which is okay, you don’t need to be. You can just get engaged, that’s kinda like a trial run. Or, you could try living together and just see if you truly like each other enough to make this work. Yes, you’ve been together for 14 years, but you know, jut in case. In fact, maybe you should go to Vegas and get married for a weekend, essentially that would be like a fake wedding. A trial run. Just see if you like it.

In the end, you love birds will hopefully decide to give marriage a “try.” You’ll make that life long vow of sickness and health. But no worries, if you change your mind, you can always get a divorce and/or an annulment later.

Body Art:

Tattoos. Permanent? No, no, no - how popular is that new finagled industry that does like 17 laser treatments to remove what you felt so enthused about etching on yourself years ago.

Jobs:

Why do you think we succumb to unpaid internships? Duh. Trial version.



There is a loop hole to my theory, commitment sucks, but we like security. That’s why we crave loving relationships, consistent jobs with reliable incomes, owning homes and why no matter how much we fight with our family we still love them, they’re family, we need them to feel like things are as they should be.

But we don’t like it. I know I don’t like it. Like, why can’t I try out my new apartment for 30 days before I move in? What if I find a squeaky floor board, or it turns out my neighbor is the “naked guy” from Friends. Nobody wants to see that! Nor will I be able to anticipate “naked guy” when I’m sitting at the kitchen table making a pro vs. con list about the apartment. I need to experience it to truly make a defensible decision about moving in.

Need I say…

Darn you you incredibly amazing sales strategies of free trials and free plans with the option to upgrade later. You are the reason commitment makes me loose my appetite, drink an entire bottle of wine and end up basing my decision on what Rory decided to do in season 5 or 6 (because those were the seasons when she had a really great set of coats and dated Logan). Darn you to hell.

Armenia!
- C