October 2011
1 post
Squirrel Pasty
Leave it to a man over 3x my age to inspire me to get back to writing. My good ol’ Grumpy Gramps. The same guy that taught me all the words to the Too Fat Polka when I was like 5 yrs old…a song sometimes heard at October Fest with that oh so memorable choras of:
“I don’t want her, you can have her, she’s to fat for me. HEY!”
Inspiring positive self imagery...
July 2011
2 posts
What a powerful bunch of pedals you have!
I’m sitting at my dining table looking at a gorgeous bouquet of flowers from my lover. I also just finished a workout and topped it off with a bag of chips, so maybe it’s the endorphins combined with the high salt content, but my mind just got all philosophical on these Lillie’s ass.
Why do we enjoy getting and giving flowers? 1) They’re a symbol of endearment ...
Viva El Peru (I don’t even know what that means.)...
AMIGOS! I went, I conquered, I returned with bruised toes. How to do Machu Picchu, 101. Approximately 5 months ago I spastically booked a 4 day trek in Peru. It twas February. I was at work (oops) and had about 5 minutes before I had to run for the elevators to catch a train home to MI for the weekend when I took the Pay Pal deposit plunge. You have to book a spot on the Inca Trail IN...
June 2011
2 posts
Your Adventure, Our Gear...No, seriously!
I just damn well near deleted an email that ended up changing my day. Like anyone, I periodically check my gmail during the day to make sure I’m not missing any important emails. I’m a newsletter whore, so I subscribe to a lot of stuff. Yet, depending on my time availability, I usually end up deleting anything I don’t “need” that isn’t from someone I personally know. One of my daily...
Guilty, Again
Just offering a little, Hey, Hello, What’s up, Word to ya mother!
It’s been over a month since you’ve read a delicious post from us. I thought it necessary to let you know that we’re not done. HTBAATOTW just needs some fuel.
I guess we should have seen this coming when H moved away. Since our eyes first met in the dorms of MSU, we’ve always been eachothers...
April 2011
2 posts
I Know
Yes, it’s been a very hectic time. The planning, the gossip, the obsessive need for updates on every slight detail, as if any detail were too small at a time like this! The whirl of introductions has been simply overwhelming, the constant barrage of new faces and the expectations that come with a new role both exciting and exhausting… All of the happy hours, the toasts, all in good...
The Mind is a Ridiculous Thing
Just a few minutes ago I texted the now Ann Arbor residing H: Me, “I think I just had a complete mental breakdown about my life…” Followed by, “Why did you move!” H replies, “Why DID I move?! Can you talk?” Me, “No.” H, “Call me later. You can tell me all about it and I’ll think of a story that will make everything seem ironic.” Because of its ability to be so damn convincing, the...
March 2011
8 posts
Free Trials and Freemium Plans
I love free trials, return policies and freemium options. I’m young, I have student loans, I don’t have much to spend, and I don’t like making purchases I might regret later. So heck yes, no matter how certain I am the purchase is right for me, I like to “try” first. For example, Techsmith products. I’m talking about the best screen capture software known to man, and tools that I can’t...
Decaffeinated Coffee. Classic.
(I refuse to give an explanation of my writing absence) So as the picture H posted goes….I broke my elbow a few weeks ago. You can laugh, and make up names. I’ve actually got a running contest in my head of who’s humored me most impressively with their witty opinions on my elbows fate. If you would like to throw in your own insult/joke of choice, I’ll add it to the circle of injury...
Can I get a "what up?!"
More often than not, I have a really hard time not being amused by my self. Yes, of all the things I say on this here blog, that might be the most narcissistic comment I have come out and said. I am that crazy person you see walking down the street or at the gym trying not to smile because whatever is going on in my head just amuses me that much. What can I say? Smiling IS my favorite. For...
“I want to make a list of things I’m going to do when I have 2 arms again”
– C, via Gchat
The Oatmeal Latte
I have a gift. Well, I have many. This particular gift though is one of my favorites. Any establishment I go to get coffee from more than once remembers me. Not that exciting, you say? Wrong. It is totally freaking awesome. I am never remembered at bars, at salons, rarely at restaurants… although the waitress at the all you can eat sushi place on my block remembers me thanks to the...
It's Not You, It's Me
I’m leaving Chicago. I am not just announcing this to make up for the lack of postings this year. Although, C broke her elbow and I am moving so, I mean, buy C flowers. Her favorite are irises, which is only fitting since that is the state flower of Tennessee, and you know, the Appalachian trail runs through that state.
Anyways, in order to further my obsession with researching hipster...
January 2011
2 posts
Dear Diary
Hey look, it is already twenty seven days into the new year! How have you been? What’s good? I know, January is miserable month. Recently, the Chicago family celebrated the birthday of one my favorite people. As these things tend to go with us, a food and wine filled night was had and plenty of Armenian references were tossed around. The evening continued with a visit to a comedy club on...
Chivalry and Etouffee
Wrote this bad-boy on a few sheets of notebook paper on the plane ride home from New Orleans:
— I’ve always preferred the aisle seat on planes. I think that started back when I was a little kid with a bladder condition (don’t make fun, it’s common). I never liked asking people to move so I could hit the 1ft x 1ft lavatory. Plus, think about if you’re trapped in a window seat next to a...
December 2010
11 posts
God Bless Us Everyone
A truly remarkable occurrence came to be last night. For the first time in many years, all of my siblings congregated under one roof. Now, this might seem an insignificant feat, especially given the commonality of such a gathering around this time of year, but for my family it has become a rare and even daunting task for all of my brothers and sisters to find themselves in one spot at one...
Repeat after me. Pepper.
Happy Christmas Eve world. And to those who don’t celebrate, Happy Friday. On this fabulous Eve of Christ’s birth I, probably not unlike others, am enjoying a delicious glass of Christmas Eve wine with my family after an off the chain Christmas Eve meal, complete with, yes, chestnuts roasted on an open fire, or in the oven. As if that picture isn’t adorable enough, I’ve got Christmas Carols...
That “zoom zoom” commercial was nothing but evil...
A bit delayed, I wrote this post last week just before an anonymous storyteller told me about 2 occasions in which said person fell asleep behind the wheel. Bearing that awesome imagery in mind: With the inner most depths of my being, I despise driving. I’ve never understood those who anticipate, with enjoyment, a “long drive.” Or those who get in their car when frustrated to ease their minds....
You Go Delta
C and I decided to go to New York for the weekend. We took off early this morning at an ungodly hour, after an evening filled with your typical Chicago send off for my now former roommate. That is how I’ve come to be sitting in a dismal airport terminal by myself, waiting for C to arrive (she had to make a stop in Philly, something about getting steak or cheese. She is so Irish sometimes)....
Dear G, You are not what I expected. An interesting paradox, as that is exactly what I expected before I met you. I have enjoyed living with you. Here’s to looking at you, kid. Good luck. Sincerely, H
Watch
Why does glitter stick to everything?
I’d love to be a screenplay writer. After an evening couching, watching sitcom after sitcom of hilarity…I feel like I’ve missed my calling. I can write. Or so I tell myself on a regular basis, I think my skill sets would be well versed for an episode….or two. Of course, I’ve no idea how you get into the field of “script writing.” Plus, I have a feeling it’s rather...
Be Careful What You Wish For, And Other Such...
Author’s Note: The following is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Especially you. Bitch. I have guy friends. I do! So all those clever quotes from When Harry Met Sally fail me in this, my long promised post on dating in the City. Somehow between friends, ‘just friends’, and ‘maybe if I don’t meet her in the eyes no one will remember we used...
In Vino Veritas
C has this coffee maker. I have no idea what brand it is. She won it our freshman year, at a dorm give-away-raffle-finals-week type of event. I did not go with her, instead I think I was studying. Okay, I have no idea where I was. Not the point, the point is that this coffee maker must be blessed or something. Maybe, just maybe, that two weeks we spent as Buddhists the same year...
The Shit, Hath Hit-ith, The Fan, Ith
Yesterday I got myself catastrophe insurance for the month of December. As a beautiful women said, “It’s so I can get hit by a bus now.” The insurance lady asked me all kinds of questions to evaluate how likely I am to do something extreme, like the obvious base jumping, that would result in needing to up the price of my insurance. One of her questions was if I was over 300 lbs. You know...
November 2010
4 posts
The Nightmare After Halloween
Last night, I woke up with my heart pounding, drenched in cold sweat. It had happened again. I have these reoccurring nightmares that I retrospectively fail out of school. Insane, I know! I never remember being so caught up in the fear of failure while enrolled at State, in fact I really enjoyed the rush I got before a big project being due, so you can imagine how bothersome it is to lose...
October 2010
1 post
Oh Yeah?! Buzz This!
I decided this week…Wed around 3 pm…that I hate buzzwords. Admittedly, I use them. Once I hear them fly out of my mouth, despite how much I reach out and try and catch them, or slur, or cough, or sneeze, it doesn’t matter. It’s too late. I just gone done and buzzed it. Crap. I asked Google for the definition of “Buzzword.” She said (Yes. She!): “A word drawn from or...
September 2010
2 posts
College. It’s over. Several words to the wise:
Like our man Seth, H and I are not fans of the unadvantageous lessons of public education. But, taking over the world does require a college degree. Nine months ago, H and I received our diplomas from Michigan State University, ending our HTBAATOTW, Inc. training, “if you will.” Since then, we’ve reminisced, visited the old stomping grounds a time or two, and admired how the times have...
How To Get People To Like You
Why yes, C and I are very likable. Just ask us. It is not rocket science. In fact, I read a darling little article just this week titled Likability: It’s An Inside Job and first, and it was so simple I got a chuckle out of it. Then I kept reading, and lo and behold, turns out I know people with all of the negative anti-likable characteristics too. Funny, but cruel. Yes, I know that...
August 2010
4 posts
Fortitude.
I thought about just blasting this post by the always insightful blogging genius Bruce on Twitter, but I decided it deserved a little more action than that. Thusly, I’m re-posting it. I love this post. It’s about dating, kinda, or wishing you could…or wondering if you should. We’ve all been here. In the future, I think I’ll start following Bruce’s lead.
IT’S FIVE O’CLOCK...
Isn't that the year Wayne's World came out?
Think about your life. In 1992 the most incredible, intellectually stimulating, humor fabulous movie came out, Wayne’s World. That was a good year. Remember where you were when it came out? Probably not. Me neither, but I know I love that flick. Wayne’s World has come up in 4 conversation for me this week. What kind of message do you think that is? Maybe I should see a psychic....
July 2010
3 posts
Summer Came Like Sinnamon
Exactly 2 years ago today, at this very hour, I sent H an email that would one day change all of your lives…. From Christine Garland To Hillary Welton Date Wed, Jul 16, 2008 at 12:25 PM Subject Michigan is shaped like a mitten I’ve decided that it would be in the best interest of the general public for you and I to start a blog. The topic is up...
The Glamour of Stupidity
Apple of my eye SB has lately been sharing the phrase, “I like to be the stupidest person in the room.” I was thinking about that just now. The value of being the person in the room with the least to offer. Fascinating. Are you fascinated…? Feel the fascination. I have a lot of like super smart friends. In fact, very few of my friends lack an obvious intellect. I hate stupidity....
June 2010
11 posts
Even Numbers Rock
When I was little, er, younger, turning 22 was a big deal. I’d be old. I’d have my life together. I’d be fabulous and have a puppy and be engaged to a sexy soccer player scientist, and obviously working on a book about my travels with my archaeology team while working towards my Ph.D in Egyptology. Yes, by 22 I’d have the world wrapped around my freakishly small...
Basking in Life's Imperfections
I found this unfinished post in our tumblr queue. I created it on May 30th…and it’s now almost the end of June. My bad. Ironic that I never finished writing it considering the topic. Not sure why I didn’t finish it, maybe something shiny entered my peripherals while I was working, or it might have been that I decided to move to a new apartment (again.) Regardless of the...
I'd Like to Propose a Toast to the Happy Couple
H and I hang out with some super cool chicks at our office (eh hem layer eh hem). We work in a sea of different personalities and clothing styles. I love my work ladies. If I were to break down my defensive walls against the concept of sororities, I might ask these ladies to be in mine, and I would call it “Ipsum Chi Lady-dady-da Ya Ya.”
But this post isn’t about all my...
“Apparently her friend was making fun of girls walking in stilettos on the beach,...”
– H shared this story with me, H’s sister (let’s call her M-to-the-W) shared the story with H. M-to-the-W is in South Korea. Pretty neato. I’ve never been. I should go…tomorrow? No, I’ll be out east. Maybe next week. Anyway…check out this link to understand the...
Baby, You Can Do No Wrong
The problem with insomnia is that it’s either boring or a catalyst for making erratic decisions. You know me. I hate to be bored. Some people may wear it well. They get a lot of reading or thinking in. I get too much reading and thinking in. My plot to take over the world turns into a plot to take over the world plus paint my room plus write a novel about all eight of my siblings...
#Fail
I want to be quite clear. I adore Chicago. I’ve made it my home. I think the city is beautiful. I love the gorgeous sea of architecture, food, drink and apparently a lot of summer festivals.
But - It lacks.
H and I attended Ignite Chicago this week. For none Ignite educated readers: Ignite is “a high-energy evening of 5-minute talks by people who have an idea—and the guts to get ...
“If I marry a Jewish boy, and we adopted Muslim (gasp) babies, I think I can get...”
– Said by H, to C, @ 5:33 p.m. CDT post lunch chatter about what H should choose as her theme when I mitzvah her on June 29th. Suggestions?